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Feb. 27th, 2011 @ 04:22 pm The Infinite Sadness
Its such an awkward thing, to be so sad. Its so hard to be friends with people who are friends with a you you can't remember. You want to tell them you don't feel like the person you think they think they're inviting out, but you don't want them to stop inviting you. Its hard to tell yourself you're depressed. You figure when you're depressed you'll know it. But its like having a shoe with a hole. You know you're feet are cold but you never realize until you take off your shoe that your socks are wet...

And what would you say if you wanted to say anything at all? "Hey, my world is a dismal hole, don't mind me, please watch your step"? Because either people won't care, or they'll care too much. You'll be come the manifest elephant ever walking into rooms. Which won't make you feel any less alone.

So there's just the silence and the solitude and the smiling. And you have these moments where you think you should go see someone about it but then they're always followed by the realization that you don't feel like you deserve to be saved. This deep dark dreadfulness is just a karmic wash of cosmic vengeance for all your inequities and failures great and small. All the things you never did that you should of, and that you should never have done and you did. And you think, well good, that'll teach me. That'll teach me good!

Or at least, I think so.

And a part of you hopes no one will every wander by and read this, and a part of you hopes everyone will. But they say the first step is admitting that you have a problem.

So there that is.
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Aug. 22nd, 2008 @ 08:27 pm (no subject)
Oh
there goes that disposable
floor!
That square
so cut
and shaped
to fall away at lever's pull.

And with it
goes my breath:
the gallows charge a toll
to cross
from up to down.
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Aug. 20th, 2008 @ 09:54 pm (no subject)
Walking hangman's pace,
what velvet leash
what gallows' tie
is this?
Oh that doleful dance I do
dangling for your love.
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Feb. 2nd, 2008 @ 02:57 am Free-IQTest.net
Free IQ Test Score
Free-IQTest.net - Free IQ Test
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Dec. 29th, 2007 @ 05:43 am Am-I-Dumb.com

Am-I-Dumb.com - Dumb Test
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Dec. 10th, 2007 @ 01:33 pm The Problem With Waiting...
Current Mood: frustratedAmbivilant

The Problem with Waiting

The problem with waiting is time passes by
And you can't speak of laughing when you want to cry.
When tears of kind joy now play sorrows tune
You wonder if ever you smiled at the moon.

The problem with waiting is nothing will last.
You find yourself missing the games of the past.
For the world is a stage and the show must go on
But the scenes are all fleeting when the curtain is drawn.

The problem with waiting is its easy to do,
Longing for something that's coming to you
Yet when the waiting is done and the table is bare
You curse all the time that you spent on your chair.

The problem with waiting is now's all you feel:
When winter rolls in was summer real?
The problem with waiting is so simple to see,
The problem is waiting breeds misery.



Herman's Hermits was amazing. Fighting with Sasha wasn't. Yes, it was fighting. Spent the day running around for various different people. Hopefully our double-date with Jay and Logan will be good. Should be nice. Nate and Christine home soon. Should be good.
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Nov. 18th, 2007 @ 12:39 am (no subject)

Expect a real post sometime later. Too tired to express my feelings but i took this test after I took the geek test on Paul's blog. I scored 54% but didn't care to post it. Apparently I know a fair bit about my booze though...




83%LUSH
 
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Oct. 2nd, 2007 @ 12:12 am (no subject)

If for every time I thought of you a dollar sprang to hand
I think that I most surely would be a richly man.
If every moment that your face passed within my mind
The room got somewhat smaller, well, I’d be well confined.

I’d have no hair upon my head if for every thought
A little bit balder than before is what I got
And if only by your kisses my hunger could I sate
I fear a week of kissing still could never fill my plate.
 
So I’ll whisper dark this secret, if you’ll lend an ear:
I spend my days in thoughts of wishing you were near.
And though I stand at distance to shelter my dear heart
It pains me still so deeply whenever we’re apart.
 
And though I can’t commit to you still I love you so
In ways you don’t imagine and ways I cannot show.
But perhaps that’s all just feathers now; pocket lint and dust;
I suppose if you don’t show it, even love can rust.
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Oct. 1st, 2007 @ 02:40 pm (no subject)
I am a d12

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

You are the rare, the overlooked, yet incredibly useful dodecahedron: the d12. You are a creative, romantic soul. You often act without thinking, but make up for your lack of plans with plenty of heart. You easily solve problems that stump others, but your answers tend to put you into even deeper trouble. You write long, detailed backgrounds for all your characters, and are most likely to dress up as one or get involved in cos-play. You can be silly at times and are easily distracted by your own day dreams, but are at the end of the day you're someone who can be depended on.


Hmm...

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Jun. 5th, 2007 @ 01:10 pm Welcome to the Show!
Current Mood: optimisticoptimistic
Hey guys and welcome to the show!

This here is my livejournal, ProlixApostasy, which is of course a wordy departure from ones beliefs by definition. I figured so many cool kids where having blogs that I might too and I was getting a little tiered of my old Xanga. No real reason, just wasn't feeling it anymore.

So, lets get down to it, shall we? I don't promise to post regularly, I don't promise to be interesting, but I do promise to give it my all!

Epic starts in less than a week and lets just say I'm a little nervous and a lot excited. Running Epic is going to take all of my skills as a player and dungeon master (gawd, yes, I do play D&D), and it'll call on all of my creative talents for success. That and of course, its going to take a lot of time I don't usually have and a lot of dedication and discipline I'm unused to maintaining. BUT, its my resolve to become a more dedicated individual on a whole, so its a good start!

The things I have planned, I only wish I could tell you! But you might tell my players, so shh! Some of us are heading down to Drexol games tonight at about 5pm to buy up some supplies. You know, dice, miniatures, dungeon tiles, fanny packs. The necessities! Well alright, not fanny packs. I feel like such a loser but I promise you that we don't usually get custom miniatures, but Epic is the money shot of D&D, I think. So we're really going all out to make it good. Plus, it'll be reasonably necessary, I think. To keep everything lined up and in order.

Yup yup yup.

Otherwise, I've got a scout camp on the weekend (I'm a Scout Leader with the Burnaby region, don'tcha know?) and a shift at the SilverHell on wednesday. I'm really hopping Fader's boss needs an extra set of hands. I'm hard working, clever, eager, and experienced. Besides which, Silvercity is fun, but not worth the wages. Mostly though, its the fact that there's no set schedule. They just sort of slot us in as needed, which makes developing a routine difficult.

Well, I've said more then I thought I'd get to say, so I suppose thats me. I'm going to shower, maybe walk up to subway, and then try and do a spot of prep. I have some monsters to advance, some NPCs to design. That sort of thing. =D
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